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And he said it would be just my word against his with his wife, as she always though I was pretty loose anyway. Hayley moved over and hugged Allison, and said she was sorry, that she should have gone with her. I dont think it would have made much difference Hayley, he may have just done something silly around you anyway. I finally told him if he came to his senses straight away, I would leave things where they stood and not tell anyone, but if he tried anything more, I would do as much damaged to him as I could with the knife and would go to the police. Evidently he then said some pretty nasty things to her and called her a few names, but she managed to get out of the house and into the car, and then drive back. She even had the carving knife still, which got me thinking how he was going to explain to his wife where the carving knife had gone. Allison poured out her heart to Hayley, who also backed me up, by telling her mother she should leave her father. I was feeling pretty bad. But parallel to that, and always present, was an intense sense ofembarrassment at what I was doing. It was not normal for a boy to dressin womens clothes - and especially to gain sexual satisfaction from it.So as I masturbated into my pantyhose enjoying the bizarre,androgynously feminine image in the mirror before me, I often thought ofgirls I longed for and what the boys at my school would think, say anddo if they saw or knew about this - the shame and humiliation; thetaunts of "sissy", "queer", and "faggot" would scroll through my mind asa I luxuriated in the feel and look of my pantyhose, heels, panties, andskirts, working myself to a fever pitch of arousal. I also began toexperiment with light bondage, emulating images of damsels in distressthat I would often see on afternoon television. The feeling ofhelplessness and vulnerability enhanced the feeling of femininity. Inlater life, I also often pondered whether it was also a means ofreconciling my "perversions" with my "normal".
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